Sunday, December 6, 2009

"E-Bay Knights"

As we go about our Holiday shopping, many will be hitting the on-line auctions. Here is a bit of advice from the Once and Future King Himself, Arthur Pendragon, King of the Britons.

I wrote this for a magazine about six years ago, and since I hold rights of copy, I thought I might republish it here, to help the weary warrior in search of his or her own "Holy Graille" this Christmas, battling lines, bidding on auctions, etc.

Hence: "Ebay Knights", by Gary Johanson.

I wonder how King Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon would challenge his knights of the Round in his appraisal of eBay?

"Fellow knights, might I suggest a frame of mind when it comes to eBay?

'Tis a game. The object is to achieve thine personal "Holy Graille." Thou art given a choice of weapons with which thou mightest overcome strong competitors, hack thru dense forest, and defeat various vile dragons along the way. The brave knight that best, and most wisely uses the weapons at his disposal, wins the "Graille"

Ahh, but ye must first know thyself! Upon whence ye profess this Graille to be worth a certain amount, and ye bid accordingly, and another fellow bids thus greater, and ye become steamed, wert thou honest in thine evaluation of this Graille? Or thyself? Then wherefore art thou steamed?

Ye must also be privy to the tools at hand. Ye must develop some level of skill to be an effective competitor! Know how to launch a javelin, to wield the mace, to block a halbred blow from a snipe by faith in thine appraisal of this Graille: for why shalt thou have this treasure when another fellow values it more? Or art thou greedier than first apprehended?

There is no chivalry, fellow knights, in defeat by the use of superior weaponry, when said weapons were at thine own disposal, and used not: tis a pity to take a blow from cannonage, combatting with thine "traditional" pikes and arrows! Only in the name of "tradition" and yet ye lose the Graille!

Aye, 'tis a fair game. A noble fight, but ye must be in possession of thy weapons, thy skills, and thyself. And most importantly, thy Goal must be worth the price. Godspeed, fellow knights!"


G. Johanson, Settlement Printer

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